Monday, April 28, 2008
Sunday, April 27, 2008
Don't Stop Believin'
This conversation took place between Ken and some random girl from the Valley. She looked liked a stripper and acted like one too, but never officially said she was a stripper.
Ken: "Have you heard of that porn star karaoke night they have in the valley somewhere? It's supposed to be awesome!"
Stripper: "Hm, no, what bar is it at? I love karaoke."
Ken: "I don't remember the name of the bar. If I heard it I would know it."
Stripper: "Dimples?"
Stack: "Um, that doesn't sound like a hot chick bar. That kinda sounds like a dude bar...like The Manhole"
Stripper: "I can't believe there is a bar in the valley that I don't know that has porn star karaoke. I know every bar. Do you want to do another body shot off of me?"
Ken: "I remember one of my friends saying that it's on Wednesday... - UM YES!"
Stripper: "Ok, here you go sweetie"
Ken: "This whole porn star karaoke thing is really gonna bug me until I figure out the name of the bar."
Me: "Well maybe stripper calls porn star karaoke just karaoke. Stripper, where do you do karaoke on Wednesday nights?"
Stripper: "I don't know, Sardo's is a lot of fun"
Ken: "THAT'S IT! Sardo's is the name of the bar that has porn star karaoke!"
Ken: "Have you heard of that porn star karaoke night they have in the valley somewhere? It's supposed to be awesome!"
Stripper: "Hm, no, what bar is it at? I love karaoke."
Ken: "I don't remember the name of the bar. If I heard it I would know it."
Stripper: "Dimples?"
Stack: "Um, that doesn't sound like a hot chick bar. That kinda sounds like a dude bar...like The Manhole"
Stripper: "I can't believe there is a bar in the valley that I don't know that has porn star karaoke. I know every bar. Do you want to do another body shot off of me?"
Ken: "I remember one of my friends saying that it's on Wednesday... - UM YES!"
Stripper: "Ok, here you go sweetie"
Ken: "This whole porn star karaoke thing is really gonna bug me until I figure out the name of the bar."
Me: "Well maybe stripper calls porn star karaoke just karaoke. Stripper, where do you do karaoke on Wednesday nights?"
Stripper: "I don't know, Sardo's is a lot of fun"
Ken: "THAT'S IT! Sardo's is the name of the bar that has porn star karaoke!"
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
Quote of the Week
Thursday, April 10, 2008
3, 2, 1, Contacts
I pretty much wear contacts every day. Since I'm a little sick and I'm in the driest place on earth, Palm Desert, my eyes are a little irritated today. I decided to wear my glasses today instead of contacts. Four different people have said, "Wow, you look really smart with those glasses on". What the hell is that supposed to mean? Apparently I look dumb without the glasses on. It's not like I went from wearing dirty overalls and a straw hat to wearing an Armani suit. I simply put glasses on. If that's what it takes, then I may just throw out contacts all together.
I Know Music
Rick Ross, AKA The Boss, just came out with a new song rightfully titled The Boss. He sports a gold chain with a picture of his face in gold on it. Think about this for a second. He's so gangsta, that he has a mini boss embossed on his Rick Ross gloss. The other thing that solidifies his gangstocity is his use of the word thus in hip-hop.
Catch Phrase: The 12 Beer Pyramid
This past weekend, my friend Burdick turned 30. The night before we decided to take it easy and play Catch Phrase while drinking a few beers. Catch Phrase is like the old $20,000 Pyramid game show where one person has to guess a phrase based on clues given by the other person in a certain amount of time. Burdick and I were partners and the phrase was "Ice-T":
Me: Oh, um...Cop Killa
Burdick: ...NWA?
Me: ...um...OH! That mothafucka on CSI n' shit!
Burdick: OOOH! ICE-T BITCH!
This is what you call a 'had to be there' moment. The best part is that Ice-T isn't even on CSI.
Me: Oh, um...Cop Killa
Burdick: ...NWA?
Me: ...um...OH! That mothafucka on CSI n' shit!
Burdick: OOOH! ICE-T BITCH!
This is what you call a 'had to be there' moment. The best part is that Ice-T isn't even on CSI.
Ticket to Ride
I'm taking an economics class at UCLA Extension to help raise my undergrad GPA to something that shows I'm a little smarter than Lennie Small. The discussion topic was the opportunity cost of a certain piece of legislation. Thanks to the internet and an article written by Jen Muir, the one who put the satin on your panties, I was able to complete my homework:
There are arguably more important issues to discuss (i.e. the environment, healthcare, education), but traffic is one issue that affects the lives of SoCal drivers every day. I spend 6 hours each week driving between Hermosa Beach (a little slice of heaven) and Palm Desert (Hell’s waiting room) for work. My trip consists of the 91 and the 10 freeways (note: for those of you who have never lived in SoCal, we put an unnecessary “the” before all of our highways and freeways). Located on the 91 there is a toll road that beckons me, like a siren to Ulysses, to illegally whip my ride into the unobstructed lane for 30 miles of “so long suckers” driving bliss. I never do because I don’t own FasTrak and I fear the $471 fine I would receive in the mail from the automated camera that takes the picture of my license plate, leading to a very embarrassing candid headshot and ticket in the mail 2 weeks later…unless you have a special license plate.
The Confidential License Program (Bill AB 1958) grants certain state (and I use this term loosely) officials confidentiality by the DMV. This means people who have these special license plates have their addresses blocked to “protect” them from people who would want to find their address and do them harm. For example, a policeman raids a drug operation and the gangstas want to retaliate by finding where he lives. AB 1958 makes said policeman’s address confidential. Sounds great right? The only thing is that since 1989, EVERYONE’S address is confidential to the public. Furthermore, the list isn’t just policeman. It also includes social workers, DA investigators, National Park rangers, city council members and veterinarians, even after they retire. In the wise words of NWA, Fuck Da Police/social workers/National Park rangers/city council members and veterinarians. The double secret license plates are also used in negotiations as part of labor contracts such as with museum security officers. What ends up happening is when any automated ticketing service and/or parking officer gives a ticket to one of these people, the ticket is usually thrown out because the DMV can’t access their address and in lieu of laziness, just don’t follow up. Also, when some of these people are pulled over, their license comes up as confidential and the po-po only issues a warning because it looks like “one of their own”, whatever that means. It’s like the old saying goes, Pigs are the protectors of all the farm animals.
ANYWAY, back to the 91 toll road. Just because it is located in the 909, it doesn’t mean we can just ignore it. For those of you who don’t live in SoCal, let me explain. For you NorCal peeps, the 909 is like the 707 of the 415 and for you East Coasters, the 909 is like Pittsburgh of the East Coast. There were 15,000 unpaid protected trips on the 91 freeway (pun intended). This results in an implicit cost of only $30,000 in tolls, but more than $5 million in violation fees. The costs of AB 1958 are below:
Explicit Costs – The records that the DMV actually process each year manually because of AB 1958 costs taxpayers $350,000 extra a year JUST to write tickets. Also, it costs the other agencies that process the tickets an extra $200,000 to manually process the citations.
Implicit Costs – There are 1 million double secret license plates * the average traffic and parking violation revenue per capita in CA = $buttload
Total Cost – Even if it were $1 per double secret license plate per year that would be $1 million + $550,000 = $1.55 million (or $buttload.55) each year for a law whose primary function is to protect something that is already protected.
In conclusion, AB 1958 is a bill to give lawmakers, and others of the ilk, special treatment on California roadways. To put things in perspective, out of 20 million registered nongovernment vehicles on the road, 1 million of those are confidential plates. That’s 5% of all cars on the California roads. Next time you are stuck in traffic, imagine 5% less vehicles on the road. The next time you see those huge billion dollar projects on our freeways, just know their purpose is to improve traffic flow by 2-3%. In this sense, opportunity cost of AB 1958 is millions in lost revenues and state resources.
There are arguably more important issues to discuss (i.e. the environment, healthcare, education), but traffic is one issue that affects the lives of SoCal drivers every day. I spend 6 hours each week driving between Hermosa Beach (a little slice of heaven) and Palm Desert (Hell’s waiting room) for work. My trip consists of the 91 and the 10 freeways (note: for those of you who have never lived in SoCal, we put an unnecessary “the” before all of our highways and freeways). Located on the 91 there is a toll road that beckons me, like a siren to Ulysses, to illegally whip my ride into the unobstructed lane for 30 miles of “so long suckers” driving bliss. I never do because I don’t own FasTrak and I fear the $471 fine I would receive in the mail from the automated camera that takes the picture of my license plate, leading to a very embarrassing candid headshot and ticket in the mail 2 weeks later…unless you have a special license plate.
The Confidential License Program (Bill AB 1958) grants certain state (and I use this term loosely) officials confidentiality by the DMV. This means people who have these special license plates have their addresses blocked to “protect” them from people who would want to find their address and do them harm. For example, a policeman raids a drug operation and the gangstas want to retaliate by finding where he lives. AB 1958 makes said policeman’s address confidential. Sounds great right? The only thing is that since 1989, EVERYONE’S address is confidential to the public. Furthermore, the list isn’t just policeman. It also includes social workers, DA investigators, National Park rangers, city council members and veterinarians, even after they retire. In the wise words of NWA, Fuck Da Police/social workers/National Park rangers/city council members and veterinarians. The double secret license plates are also used in negotiations as part of labor contracts such as with museum security officers. What ends up happening is when any automated ticketing service and/or parking officer gives a ticket to one of these people, the ticket is usually thrown out because the DMV can’t access their address and in lieu of laziness, just don’t follow up. Also, when some of these people are pulled over, their license comes up as confidential and the po-po only issues a warning because it looks like “one of their own”, whatever that means. It’s like the old saying goes, Pigs are the protectors of all the farm animals.
ANYWAY, back to the 91 toll road. Just because it is located in the 909, it doesn’t mean we can just ignore it. For those of you who don’t live in SoCal, let me explain. For you NorCal peeps, the 909 is like the 707 of the 415 and for you East Coasters, the 909 is like Pittsburgh of the East Coast. There were 15,000 unpaid protected trips on the 91 freeway (pun intended). This results in an implicit cost of only $30,000 in tolls, but more than $5 million in violation fees. The costs of AB 1958 are below:
Explicit Costs – The records that the DMV actually process each year manually because of AB 1958 costs taxpayers $350,000 extra a year JUST to write tickets. Also, it costs the other agencies that process the tickets an extra $200,000 to manually process the citations.
Implicit Costs – There are 1 million double secret license plates * the average traffic and parking violation revenue per capita in CA = $buttload
Total Cost – Even if it were $1 per double secret license plate per year that would be $1 million + $550,000 = $1.55 million (or $buttload.55) each year for a law whose primary function is to protect something that is already protected.
In conclusion, AB 1958 is a bill to give lawmakers, and others of the ilk, special treatment on California roadways. To put things in perspective, out of 20 million registered nongovernment vehicles on the road, 1 million of those are confidential plates. That’s 5% of all cars on the California roads. Next time you are stuck in traffic, imagine 5% less vehicles on the road. The next time you see those huge billion dollar projects on our freeways, just know their purpose is to improve traffic flow by 2-3%. In this sense, opportunity cost of AB 1958 is millions in lost revenues and state resources.